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Decoding women: Am I fat?

*NOTE* Women, please stay away from this post. Here, why don't you read this instead.

TL;DR: Answer in a monosyllable, like you don't give a fuck and continue doing whatever you were doing.

Most men to panic when a woman asks them this question, because they believe that it has no "right" answer. This is suicide mission forced upon them by women. I guess this is what goes on in a woman's mind when she asks a guy this question- "..."

Exactly. Women aren't rational thinkers, their decisions are based on emotions, and they try to rationalize it later. Of course women will refute this, they don't want the other sex to know of their secrets! But I digress.

I say "most men" because there are a  few of us enlightened folks, who know exactly how to respond to this without the fear of fucking things up. It's quite easy actually, in fact it is so simple that it makes it that much easier for us to overlook this. However, when confronted with this question, we tend to freeze and go into shock. Half because we don't want to ruin the relationship, what ever it is, wit the girl in question and secondly we don't want to hurt the girl's feeling. Men are just big fluffy teddy bears. Wait I forgot girls are not reading this. Never mind.

A woman is incapable of getting fat thoughts into her head involuntarily. It's been scientifically proven that when women look into the mirror they see themselves 4 times beautifuller (I just invented this word bitches, deal with it) than they actually are. So the only way it enters her mind is if someone puts it there in the first place.

"What's the most resilient parasite? An idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules" or trick a woman into thinking she's fat.

One of the simplest ways in which a woman is exposed to this parasite, so to speak, is through her friend(s). Someone who's jealous of her in most cases. Jealous bitch be like, "Baby, I love your chubby cheeks" *proceeds to pull her cheeks*. Usually in a passive agressive/ condescending/ just plain mean tone.

Another way in which a woman is tricked into thinking she's fat is when she's out with a guy "friend", and orders a shit load of food which he ultimately pays for. "Are you sure you want to order another pastry?" The poor friendzoned bastard asks her concerned about his near empty wallet.

"Yeah, i've been emotionally scarred because jealous bitch called me fat *sob*" she says digging into her fifth pastry.

Or maybe she couldn't get into that cute dress that was two sizes too small for her. Whatever be the reason, she now think's that she looks like a distant cousin of Cee Lo Green.

It doesn't matter why she thinks she's fat. When she asks you if you think sh'e fat, it means two things-

1) She's looking for validation.

2) You're deep into the friendzone (unless you both are exclusively going out)

Now this answer works for both cases- you being friendzoned or you being her significant other. This is how the am-I-fat conversation should go like-

Woman: Do you think i'm fat?

You: Yeah/ No.


It's not what you say, rather how you say it. Just don't give a fuck, that's how you say it. Don't tell her she's perfect just the way she, which will only fuel her false ego. Don't tell her she could do with some exercise or diet. Just don't. One word and end the conversation or change the topic. If she begins giving you bullshit, which is usually the case if you are friendzoned, the stop talking to her and walk away. If you are going out with her ask her to blow you or something. Do this once and he woman in question will never bring up her fatness again. Seriously, go give it a try for yourself.

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