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Notting Hill- not a love story, a serious mind fuck!

Notting Hill is a shitty move that became really popular because the makers made a half dozen human sacrifices to the box office Gods. This is only if you take the move at face value. The characters are bland. The script is weak- it has no structure, the beats are in all the wrong places. The events are completely implausible. There is no lead up to the intense (?) romantic (?) relationship (?) between the two protagonists. Imagine a porn movie- a full porno movie not the five minute clips on Pornhub, and replace the naught bits with romance. That is what Notting Hill is. The key demographic for this movie are your average Nice GuysTM. Made in a time when most romance movies were targeted at women, this was a ballsy move on the director’s part. Very ballsy. Imagine a bunch of sad, lonely dudes filling up the movie theatre watching this movie, hoping they could someday find a woman as pretty as Julia Roberts who would accept them for who they are.
It was directed by Richard Curtis. This is the fucking genius who created Black Adder and Mr. Bean! I refuse to believe that a genius such as himself made a superficial horse manure called Notting Hill.

Instead, I choose to believe that he is the predecessor of Christopher Nolan.

Because the movie is not what it seems to be.

I have a theory that this movie happened entirely in Hugh Grant’s head. The voice over in the beginning describes your average neighbourhood- undoubtedly, the most boring way to begin any movie. In the beginning, he makes it seem like he lives in a little utopia, your average every day utopia and casually slips in about his ex- wife marrying guy who looks exactly like Harrison Ford (hold on to this thought, I’ll tell you why later on). So, him getting hitched to Anna Scott- a world famous movie star- not someone who looks like her, actually her- is a way of getting back to his ex-wife. I like to think that this entire thing happens in his mind. I also like to think that it happens after a particularly wild night, a week after the wife left him, while he gets high on a heady mix of shady looking dugs and cheap alcohol.

George Clooney and his buttocks.

Another thing that didn’t work with me is the inconsistent choice of underwear. In the beginning, the roommate guy is seen wearing boxers. Later, he is wearing briefs, with one side hiked up to show half his butt cheeks. Why?

Let me tell you why. If you go back a couple of scenes, Hugh and Julia are seen talking about the nudity clause in movie contracts- butt double et al. When the conversation turn to George Clooney’s butt, Anna says that he does not have a butt double. So, when you see the ugly roommate’s butt- no butt double here- your subconscious make a connection with George Clooney. So, in a nut sack, Ugly Roommate = George Clooney. Remember how in the beginning of the movie Hugh says that his wife left him for someone who looks like Harrison Ford? Well, he thinks his ex’s new boyfriend/ husband is an ugly son of a bitch.

He hates his sister for embarrassing Anna at the birthday party. His sister shows Anna the bathroom, and she walks in continuing to talk to her until Anna asks her to leave. It may not have been as bad as it sounds, since it happens off screen and we only hear it from the sister’s perspective. But it is clear as to how much it upsets Hugh, when this is brought up twice before that night ends, and is given more importance than it deserves. So what does he do? He gets his sister to fall in love with his loser roommate. He does not play an active role in her ending up with him, but since this is happening in his mind, he is the creator of this fantasy, and in this fantasy, his sister ends up with a loser. Classic Nice GuyTM.

Perspective matters the most when watching Notting Hill.

Then there are a number of unanswered questions at the end of the movie-
• Does he mooch off of her? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but still. Does he mooch off of her?
• What happens to his book store?
• The poor assistant gets no partner. Even his loser roommate gets a girlfriend.
• All the “lesser” men- everyone who isn’t Hugh Grant- his room mate, his bumbling assistant, Anna’s boyfriend, played by Alec Fucking Baldwin sporting a hobo beard, look worse than Hugh Grant. I know he is the lead, but is he that insecure?

If you still choose to watch it as the superficial drivel that it is, I would recommend High Fidelity instead. Watching John Cussack play the bumbling, awkward, American man is much better than watching Hugh Grant play the bumbling, awkward English man.


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