Skip to main content

How I handle success

26 September 2016

I like to wallow in it like pig in filth. I have a broad overview of what constitutes success, and hitting any of those milestones is enough for me to get a massive ego boost that takes its own sweet time to deflate. I love to bring up old achievements, however small they may be- in order to feel good about myself. Mental masturbation never was better. This gives me a I-am-better-than-you syndrome, for longer than what is necessary. This also inhibits my growth and lowers/ alters my growth trajectory considerably. By the time I realize what's happening, I'm already crashing, swimming in a deep pit of anxiety and self loathing.

Back to square negative one.

At this point, not only should I concentrate on working my way up, but I should also spend time and efforts into cajoling myself to not feel so bad about others being better than me. I sound like a narcissist, but that's only because I am. Sort of.

Waste of time.

I think this is why Stoicism attracts me so much, even though I only have a fairly vague idea of what it actually is. I have an audio book or a pdf of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations some where, I need to fish it out and read (study) it soon. But I have a dozen fucking books that need my attention.

I need more discipline and a refined work ethic. I should stop dicking around. I need some sort of semblance in life.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rock you like a hurricane- Meaning and analysis (WARNING! NSFW, NSFSP)

NOTE: I had written this about a week ago, but didn't post it because I didn't think it was something that would appeal to teh general public. I still don't think it does that but I am suffering from an acute case of  "IDontGiveAFuckitis" so here it is. I don't give a fuck what you think about this, but if you are going to run to my mom and complain about what I do online just because it doesn't go down well with you it just makes you an immature and incompetent pussy. Seriously, this is the internet, get a life. The time is 2247 as I am writing this. A little sleep deprived, and a whole lot of self hatred and shame swimming about my aurashitpiss. I have a ton of writing work that needs my immediate attention, but I chose to do this. Arrogance? Dipshitness is more like it. Moving on... So I was listening to Rock you like a hurricane by Scorpions earlier this evening, while I was doing the dishes (yeah, i'm cool that way). I mean i wasn't even
1 comment
Read more

Clubhouse. CoWin. China.

If you feel an odd sense of deja vu while reading this piece, then you've spent too much time switching between Facebook and Clubhouse. Unless you've been living underground or in a home with ACT broadband, you know what Clubhouse is - it is where many people can have their Mann ki Baat at once. And Facebook has turned into a platform to critique, analyse and make fun of discussions that happen on Clubouse. Congrats Clubhouse, you just replaced the Indian Government, at least as far as Facebook discourses go. Clubhouse is more or less an impulsive, live podcast session - an open space where everyone is made to feel like Joe Rogan. But no one talks about DMT or shaved gorillas or MMA or shaved gorillas doing MMA while on DMT. But it always does sound like everyone is on something stronger than the devil's lettuce. Maybe you need that to hear your own thoughts over the din of uncomprehensive ramblings and mouth-breathing noises. Speaking of noises, Saudi Arabia restricted the
1 comment
Read more

The end; and a new beginning

          Before I chew your mind : This blog post is in response to my friend Harish’s vlog . He had done a “user request vlog” once, and I had suggested a topic- ‘ How did you start doing something ’(links at the end). I also promised him that I’d write a blog post on that subject if he ever did that video. He did make that video (he makes some pretty cool game play videos as well, worth checking it out if you are a gamer), and that’s why you find yourself reading this right now.             I think I had an idea of what I would write about when I gave him the topic. However, for the love of God (or Batman) I can’t seem to remember what that was. I’m making it up with this one, hope it’s ok bro :) FADE IN: Superimpose “THE END” on black background FADE OUT TO BLACK: <insert new title>           This is where I (along with a bunch of other confused mortal souls my age) have reached. A point where one movie seems to end and another begins- a double featur
3 comments
Read more