Ramblings of a delusional dumbass

This was written within a week of the massive Maggi unrest of 2015. If you are a historian from the future then you should know that the past is not as great as it is made out to be. "It's not cancer" Cameron said, distraught "Of course it's cancer" House leaned on his wounded leg, the sharp searing pain blocking out his own doubts. "It has to be" "House!" Foreman said, calling out on his bullshit "The radiation treatment isn't working. She's getting worse. It's not cancer" The room fell silent for a minute. Foreman continued, calmly "We have to stop the radiation before it further weakens her immune system" "So. What behaves like cancer when it isn't cancer?" House asked no one in particular "It could be an infection" said Cameron "No fever" Foreman said "Food poisoning" "It can't be. No..." "You idiots!" House sai...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Gotcha! Confession time- the obvious click-baity title was to increase page views. This post has nothing to do with dating married women. Well it does, but it's not what you think. You can leave now if you want to. I have no use for you anymore, peasant. Marriage, like becoming a Chartered Accountant is hard. I don't know anything about either of them, but that is what people say, so i'm gonna assume it is so. An ideal marriage is one where both parties involved are absolutely compatible. They remember all the important dates, they give each other just enough space, he puts the toilet seat down and she makes the sandwich. I just described the ideal marriage in a sentence. I can only imagine how fucking boring being in one would be. Aiming for ideality is good. Actually achieving it is both impossible and improbable. What most people don't realize is that you need to wear different hats, ties, suits and skirts in a marriage. Your wedding is essen...

            “Jonny! JONNY!” bellowed Jonathan Smith Sr., banging on the apartment door.             “Goddamnit Jonny, open the fucking door!” he banged on the door again, the green flakes on the faded door reverberating. “I know you’re in there.”             Jonathan heard his son scuffling inside, hastily making way towards the door. He could hear his son, Jonathan “Jonny” Smith Jr. clumsily fiddling with the latches on the other side of the door, cursing under his breath every time he fumbled. Jonathan flung the door open, almost knocking over Jonny, and barged right in.             “What took you so long?” Jonathan said, and went straight to the only bedroom in the apartment, not waiting for an answer.          ...

Last week alone I saw two articles about the coveted Royal Enfield Bullet (for the uninitiated, it's the bike that goes dug-dug-dug-dug). So, being the nosey parker that I am, and being a proud owner of a bike in the segment myself, I searched the interwebs for a similar article about the simple commuter bike. Sadly I didn't find a single one of that sort. I never wanted to write this blogpost in the first place, but it seems like the universe has conspired to result in this. Cunning universe. So here are 10-ish reasons to love a commuter bike- 1.   They are cheap AF:  You can saddle up on a 100 cc for under 70k INR. With papers. Accessories included. Not only does it cost less, but it's really wallet friendly when it comes to maintenance as well. These bikes are manufactured with the average middle class commuter in mind. By that I mean, for the ones who have a strong mindset of "don't fix it if it's not broken". The bike will work fine even if you...

            I wasn’t gonna introduce meat into this section yet, but I accidentally made the best goddamn pepper chicken the other day after a fight with my sister. There is no cooking like spite cooking. You focus all your hate and other “negative energy” into cooking the best goddamn meal you can. So here is the recipe. You vegetarian folks needn’t despair, a modified version of this recipe can be adapted to make pepper potato or pepper brinjal. I will post my experiments in the future. Note: All measurements for half a kilo chicken.  Adjust accordingly.             Make sure you have pepper powder at home. Lots of it. I didn’t have any, so I fried some peppercorns, and hand ground them. Like a man. You know what, fuck that store bought shit, fry a hand full of pepper and grind them with your bare knuckles. A great stress reliever. Also releases any nasal congestion you may have. Fir...

            A lot of things change when you get a job. But nothing  really  changes until you get yourself a bike to go  to  with the new job. Now, buying a bike for college purposes is very different from buying a bike for work purposes. When in college the emphasis is mainly on how awesome the bike looks and how uncomfortable it is for a lady when she sits on it, whereas an "office bike" is all about the mileage. It does not matter how fast your bike goes, because you always end up following an auto going at 30kmph, or an L-board Swift going at 30kmph. Overtaking anyone is a joke on outer ring road because tempos have this uncanny ability to teleport right next to you when you are overtaking a BMTC. You DO NOT want to have a threesome with a BMTC and a tempo. Ever. Look, I took up playing guitar when someone told me that chicks dig guys with guitar. It didn't lead to any rabbit hole. I am not making that mistake again. ...

In a county where cricket is religion, a true atheist is one who does not follow the sport. India is a happy country for cric-atheists because we do not have a self proclaimed control body/ bodies that claim to be the upholders of cricket integrity and holy cricket values. The Sharapova episode was an isolated incident by the way, and an independent body didn't make it it's life's mission to end her career. If they did exist, however, they would probably go on to vandalize all forms of cricket that is not test/ ODI. Especially IPL. "T-20 is completely ungentlemanly" "IPL objectifies players! You cannot trade them like cattle!" "The helicoptor shot is ungentlemanly" "Powerplay? More like Losers play! Amirite?" That is all the cricket jargon I know.  The country is very kind to hardcore cricket atheists- people who do not watch the game even if it is an India vs. Pakistan face off in the world cup finals, and t...