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Men can cook: Chutney (The only chutney recipe you will ever need to know)

    Back in my day, Sundays always meant two things- Dosae and chutney for breakfast, and one Kannada movie on Doordarshan at 4 pm. This was a strict routine in most of the houses where I lived (and for all the five people who read this, where you lived as well). People would actually feign surprise if one had had anything other than Dosae (or an occasional Idly) for breakfast. Dosaes were served with chutney,and if your mom was in the mood, potato palya.

   Chutney. There are over a hundred thousand varieties of chutnies, and I'm not exaggerating. What's unique about this humble side dish is that it tastes different depending on the one who makes it. If your mother makes chutney, it tastes like your childhood, flooding nostalgia in your mouth. If your disgruntled wife makes it, it will taste like her cries about your selfish insensitive self who doesn't care about of any of her needs and her tears.

So sad.

But seriously, if just want some chutney to go with your dosae, here is how to make it.

NOTE: This is the only chutney recipe you will ever need. God promise.

Ingredients
* Ground nuts- lightly roasted, and peeled. Using raw ground nuts will make the chutney taste like stale vodka. It takes practice to get this done, and it is best to ask elders to do this for you.

* Coconut.Best if it is freshly cracked open. If you don't know how to do it get an adult to do it for you. Drink the coconut water, separate coconut from the shell, and chop it into small pieces/ grate it. Just to be clear here, you chop the coconut, not the shell. You can now enjoy riding your horse after you eat the chutney

 * Chillies. You can either use red chillies or green ones, but don't mix them up please.

* A small piece of ginger. This is the secret ingredient. Use a very small piece of ginger. The chutney must only have subtle traces of ginger, like the scent of a lover, long after she's left the room.

* Salt to taste.

These are the base ingredients that makes up all chutneys. You can use just these, or you can add some pudina and corriander leaves.

Now take all these, in what ever proportion you wish, (except the salt and ginger), grind it up in your blender.

Enjoy with your dosae. Or idly.

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