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Men can cook: The perfect boiled egg (even if you are drunk as fuck)

Eggs are like non-veg potatoes. Extremely versatile. There are literally hundreds of ways to cook an egg, and you can never go wrong. Unless you want a boiled egg.

Fucking boiled eggs. 

It took me years, literally YEARS, to learn how to make good boiled eggs. It has one ingredient. The fucking egg. Cooked in water. That is all there is to it. And I have spent hours on end trying to cook it right. Peeling the egg is a pain in the ass. Uncooked egg is a pain in the ass. Wordsworth should have written a poem on peeling badly cooked boiled eggs. The pain, the agony, the depressing frustration of having wasted a perfectly good egg. 

Lets take a step back and learn what makes a good boiled egg- 

1. It should be cooked through. The egg whites have to be cooked to soft, silky consistency. The yolk can range from runny yellow liquid awesomeness to soft yellow mushy awesomeness.

2. The shell should peel right. Without the end product looking like the leftovers of a rats meal.

Until very recently, I believed that the ability to cook good boiled eggs was the pinnacle of culinary expertise. Not any more. It's fucking simple, and here's how it's done.

Ingredients- 

Eggs

Method-

1. Add eggs to boiling water.

2. Wait 10- 14 minutes. (Soft boiled- hard boiled)

That is all there is to it. That's it. Boiling water is the key ingredient here. I have seen a lot of bullshit passing off as "tips" to peel the egg right- 

Add fucking table salt. 

Add fucking baking soda. 

Add fucking oil. 

Fuck all that. Add eggs to boiling water. Keep the heat at high. The whites will cook quickly and won't stick to the shell. Science, bitch!

Special instructions for the kitchen virgins-

1. Add eggs using a sambhar sout. Don't use your fucking hands or a spoon. The water is boiling and you will drop the egg into the pan, cracking the egg and you'll panic because you don't know any better.

1.1. If the egg does crack, don't panic. The water will rise precariously, threatening to boil over. This is normal. It doesn't look normal, but it is. Reduce the heat a little bit- NOT ALL THE WAY DOWN- just enough to prevent the water from spilling over. Grab a spoon and skim off the undercooked whites floating in the water. Bring the heat back up. Never turn the heat down to a simmer. 

2. Remove eggs from the boiling water using a sambar sout. Place them on a plate, or dunk them in cold water. Wait for a couple of minutes before peeling them. 

If you don't know how to peel an egg, then your parents have failed at parenting. Go ask them for a refund. 
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