An ode to Old Monk

It's affordable.

It's good.

And I haven't tried it yet.

But that shouldn't matter. Because, like the Royal Enfield and the RX100, its reputation precedes its name. But unlike the latter two, the Old Monk hasn't tried to tinker with the genetics of its golden egg laying goose (metaphoric, of course) to produce bigger, better quality golden eggs and fail miserably in the process. The Monk lives by the age old motto- Don't try to fix it if it ain't broken- which has worked out very well for the brand so far.

 The quintessential Indian alcoholic drink that has for decades helped nurse ailments ranging in severity from common cold to broken hearts.

Any Old Monk aficionado will tell you that the rum's popularity is solely due to word of mouth publicity. No, seriously, for a brand of rum that has a cult like following, it doesn't even have an official facebook page. Yet, Old Monk is a name that is familiar to many, even the non drinkers, for such is its deference. Unlike its peers, Old Monk does not try to work around the laws to promote music CDs and club sodas to keeps its popularity alive. This approach -or lack of thereof- resonates with the no nonsense demeanor of the drink. 

Fuck it, we make a high quality, vanilla flavored drink that kicks ass, and we are not going to dilly-dally around it. 

It's like if Charles Dickens were alive today, he wouldn't have to take out full page ads, or hire ad spaces on Amazon to promote his new book. He would just publish his work and people would flock to buy it because he has always been consistent in delivering quality work. No cheating. We have lost our "deti hai toh de, varna kat le" attitude. We have turned into pussies who love to suck up to glossy ads that dilutes the true essence of a commodity and projects a persona that specifically caters to our base instincts.

Old Monk is truly one of the few things that still reminds us to stay grounded. It's cheap as fuck. But not like the Chinese mobile cheap. More like the five rupees disposable pen cheap. Smooth, easy to use, and highly reliable. So you are forced to think about practicality over the face value. Would you have cheap vodka that tastes like sour piss, or would you have this glorious drink that gives you multiple mouthgasms at the same price of said cheap piss vodka? Hmmm... decisions, decisions.

Old Monk is more than just a brand of rum. It's a legacy. It is one of the few things that put India on the world map back when India was projected as the land of starving children at homes and starving cattle on the roads. The (sadly) dwindling sales of the Old Monk is a cause of concern, and poses a threat for our reigning position in the international liquor market. But then you think of Amruth, and reassure yourself. Experts argue that Amruth is less a whiskey and more a rum because of he way it is manufactured. So, while the Irish and Germans have their Beer, the Scotts their Scotch, the Russians their Vodka, Americans their Cheese burgers, and the Mexicans their Tequila; we have our Rum. But that's our dirty little secret. 

Here's more trivia for you. Old Monk is a product of Mohan Meakin Ltd. Which started out as Dyre Breweries (Dyre, as in the dude responsible for the Jalianwala Bagh massacre) back when the Brits were leaching off of us, and changed many hands before it reached its present form. Wait, here's the actual trivia- Dyre Breweries was the first Beer brewery in Asia, which continues to operate to this day. The first Asian beer was called Lion Beer, and was the best beer in the country until the 1980's- which is when Kingfisher took over the mantle. How fucking cool is that?

Old Monk was born in 1954, and had been the biggest Indian Made Foreign Liqour (IMFL) for a long time. It continues to be one of the most popular brands of rum in the world. They must be doing something right to reach that level of international acclaim sans any advertisements, right?

(Note: This write up is based on curated facts from different sources, and does not include any first hand experiences from the author. God promise.)