Ramblings of a delusional dumbass

Not a lot of people are aware of it, but Ashtralle Just Missoo was supposed to be a short film originally. The movie made heads turn when Rohit took  a giant leap of faith and decided to turn it into a feature film. And he decided to do it all with no budget. It takes balls to do that. The gambling has definitely paid off. Having seen most of Rohit’s short films- a good bunch of brilliant short films which include ais pais, dishkyaav(written by Rohit Padaki, directed by Aditya Raveesh), tony joot- I was ready to be blown off my seats when I went into watch AJM. I had no doubts of Rohit’s directorial abilities, and I was already a big fan of Naveen and the lethal combination made my head trip just thinking about it. It would be wrong to say that I didn’t really expect to see a masterpiece when I watched the movie last Sunday at K H Kalasoudha. The movie works for many reasons. For a moment, let’s put aside that fact that the movie was made for no money- just so that it doe...

    This is an unexpected blog post, and I never intended to write this. But this album "moved me" so much I had to write about it. Back in 1998 Ram Gopal Varma made, what is now a cult classic, Satya. Brilliantly written by Saurabh Shukla and Anurag Kashyap, by his own admittance, RGV really didn't have a very good idea of what he was doing (vaguely similar to the making of DW Griffith's Intolerance). Improvisations were a key feature in Satya (told ya, Intolerance), with the script merely acting as a flexible guideline, if you may. The  the Kristen Stewartesque acting abilities of J D Chakri was instrumental in turning Satya (the character) into an enigma. The hot headed gangster Bhiku Matre reminds me of Sonny from The Godfather, and Manoj Bajpai carried the role with absolute brilliance. Evrybody else on the cast were phenomenal, playing their parts just right. The music was just right. had they done it any different it would have probably sucked. That haunt...

ನೋಡಿ, ಈ friendzone ಅನ್ನೋದು skirt ಇದ್ಧಂಗೆ, ತೀರಾ gender specific. ಅದು ಕೇವಲ ಹೆಣ್ಣ್ ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಸೀಮಿತ. ಗಂಡ್ ಮಕ್ಕ್‌ಳು ಅದನ್ನ ಉಪಯೋಗಿಸುವಂತಿಲ್ಲ. ಹಾಗಂತ ನಮಗೆ ಅಂತ ಬೇರೆ alternative ಇದೆ. ಅದರ ಹೆಸ್ರೆ ENEMY ZONE. ಹೌದು, ಇದನ್ನ ನೀವ್ಯಾರು ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗಿ ಕೇಳಿರ್ಲಿಕ್ಕಿಲ್ಲ, ಆದ್ರೆ, ಇದನ್ನು ರಾಮಾಯಣದಲ್ಲಿ ಬಹಳ ಸ್ಪಶ್ಟವಾಗಿ ಉಲ್ಲೆಕಿಸಲಾಗಿದೆ. ಕ್ರಿ.ಶ ಅದ್ಯವಾಗ್ಲೋ, Mr. ____ರಥ, ಅವರು ಯಾವುದೋ weak moment ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಕೊಟ್ಟಿದ್ದ strong ಮಾತು ಉಳಿಸಿ ಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ತಮ್ಮ ಪುತ್ರ ರತ್ನ ಶ್ರೀ ರಾಮನನ್ನ fourteen years, forest tourಗೆ ಕಳಿಸ್ತಾರೆ. (ಇದು ನಿಮಿಗೆ ಗೊತ್ತು ಅಂತ ನನಗೂ ಗೊತ್ತು, ಕಥೆ ಇನ್ನೂ ಇದೆ, ಮುಚ್ಛಕೊಂಡ್ ಮುಂದಕ್ಕ್ ಓದಿ) (insert offensive honeymoon issue, or the lack of it), ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಶ್ರೀ ರಾಮ ಅವರ missusಉ ಅವರಜೋತೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಹೊರಡೊದಿಕ್ಕೆ ಸಿದ್ಧ ಆಗ್ತಾರೆ. ಅವರೊಂದಿಗೆ, Mr. ಕಬಾಬ್ ಮೆ ಹಡ್ಡಿ, alias Mr. ಶಿವ ಪೂಜೆಲಿ ಕರಡಿ, alias Mr.ಲಕ್ಷ್ಮಣ 'ಲಕ್ಕಿ' ಹೊರಟು ನಿಲ್ಲುತಾರೆ.  ಇವರು ಮೂರು ಜನ (point to be noted, ಮೂರು ಜನ ಹೋದ್ರೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಕೆಡುತ್ತೆ. ಅವರು ಹೋದ ದಾರಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬೆಕ್ಕು ಅಡ್ಡ ಬಂತೋ, ಇಲ್ಲವೋ ಎಂಬುದು ಚರ್ಚೇಗೀಡಾಗಿರುವ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ), ತಮ್ಮ ಪಾಡಿಗೆ ಕಾಡಿಗೆ ಹೋದರು. ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಅವರಿಗೆ Mr. Guha ಸಿಗುತ್ತಾರೆ,  a well...

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Me : Hey, can you cook? Random person, who is not necessarily not a girl : Only easy stuff like Dosas, and Chapattis... (sheepish smile)  82.36% of all Indians, (88.75% if you take only south Indians into account) claim that they can cook Dosa with ease. Only problem is Dosas are not easy to make. Sure, spreading a ladle of dosa batter on the hot tawa and flipping it over is easy. But that is not making dosa, that is merely spreading a ladle of dosa batter on the hot tawa and flipping it over. By that account, i can open a bag of chips, doesn't mean I can make them! Actually, I can make chips (sheepish smile), but that is not why. Making dosa requires years of experience, a fine understanding of the cooking utensils at your disposal, and if possible a masters degree in advanced thermodynamics. It requires the patience of a saint. Not only are you making a simple dish, but you will be experiencing transcendental bliss, a philosophical enlightenment which will enhance your liv...

Most cookery books or cookery shows teach you how to cook exotic foods. Elaborate dishes whose names are just as exotic as the places they come from. You have these internationally acclaimed chefs with chefy sounding names like Heston or Nigella teaching you how to make stuff that they promise, will leave your guests wanting for more. Here’s the thing, most people, way over 90% of them, don’t try out any of those dishes. You know this. I know that you know this. How many times has your mother or wife threatened to murder you in your sleep when you try to change channels when they are watching their favorite cookery shows? I’ve lost count of mine. And how many times have they cooked any of those dishes? That’s right. He: Honey, quick! Turn on the news! There’s an alien invasion!!! She: Not now. I’m watching Nigella make chocolate stuffed chocolate balls covered in gold wrappings, served with chocolate syrup. He: That’s just chocolate all over… You know that stare she g...

     He lay in his bed. Breathing. Every now and then a faint smell of sweat would linger under his nostrils, and then flee, just before his mind could trace its origin. Was it from his shirt? Was it from his blankets? Was it from himself? He  couldn't  remember the last time he took a bath, or  he last time he washed the sheets or the last time he did the laundry. No, wait. He took a bath every day. At 12:30 pm, everyday like clockwork, he would go into his bathroom and take a shower for exactly twelve and a half minutes. He knew this, he was so bloody damn sure of it, because this was the only consistent thing in his life. He had been doing it for so long, and he had been doing it the same exact way, every single time, that it had become second nature to him. His mind didn’t have to make a single conscious decision when he got into the shower. He automatically phased out for those twelve and a half minutes- from the time he turned on the hot wa...

NOTE: This isn't directed towards You. But if the shoe fits... 1. Hmmmmmm............ 2. ok ok/ k/ okei 3. ya.......... 4. :) :):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) 5. :D :D :D :D 6. LOL! (doesn't matter if conversation isn't intended to be funny) 7. OMG! :0 8. "Typing" "Typing" "Logged off" 9. Luv u dahlin :* (as said to other girls) 10. But I didn't think of you that way (as said to guys) P.S: You = any girl who's reading this. YOu wouldn't be reading this if you were THAT dumb. Peace \/..

"We Indians are so shy, that sometimes it makes uslook like fucking idiots" - Anonymous Indian This is what happens whenyou go visit a friend-but-not-such-­a-close-friend-that-­you'd-let-them-borro­w-your-iron-maiden-c­d, or when you accompany yourfriend (the one with whom you wouldn't mind sharing your iron maiden cd) to his friend's house who is essentially a stranger to you. You better read that again, it's confusing as hell. After verbal pleasantries and small talk, your host, usually a middle aged aunty who's wearing a duppatta over her nightie asks you with a wide smile"Tea or Coffee?" And you immediately reply with a "No, i've just had some", or something to that effect, with an equally wide smile, even though the last time you had coffee was way back in the morning before you went to the john. At this point all conversations take a back seat, and that tea- coffee tangent suddenly becomes important. The host is hel...

So, i'm at Gopalan Cinemas. I don't usually go to the movies, let alone by myself. But here I am, almost an hour early. It was an hour early half an hour ago anyway. Frankly, i'm bored. It took me about two minutes to buy my tickets and I was bored by the fifth. Figured i'd use this spare time to write my blog. Like everything else here, this will also make no sense (btw that's my signature style), and this is just random shit I see around as I wait for my show to begin. It's pretty good this multiplex thingie. AC, clean floors, nobody giving a fuck about the lonely guy sitting in the corner... I'M BORED! Enter entertainment. Have you seen grown women trying hard not to act their age? And when I say grown women I don't mean twenty or thirty somethings. I mean the ones who've been around for half a century or more. I did. They made a fuss about not wanting to pay a hundred and fifty bucks for their tickets. Oggling at Hugh Jackman's post...

Three things play an important role in Mani saar's stories- visuals music and an element of love. Everyone is all praise for the technical aspects, but no one talks about the romance in his films. But it's not the mundane run-around-the-fucking-tree kind of romance. His portrayal of love is more mature and almost matter-of-factish. There is no ringing bells or lighting or rain or violin music or any of that over the top bullshittery. I'm a novice here, but i guess that's how love is supposed to happen in real life. Maybe that's why they call it 'falling' in love, because it is supposed to happen spontaneously, with no effort on each others part. Although a lot of his movies have been love stories, the fact that they're set up in the backdrop of serious issues pushes the 'love angle' to the background and highlights the sensitive issues. Ultimately, his movies deal with how love is affected by those external factors. Terrorism, riots, political ...

DISCLAIMER: This blog post does not endorse smoking and drinking alcohol, for both are injurious to health. DISCLAIMER 2: The above disclaimer was not intended to offend anyone who smokes and drinks. This is one of the few 'bad ass' moments in my life. I'm not saying what happened is, for the want of a better word, good. But you gotta admit, it was pretty bad ass and it takes some boulder size cojones to pull this crazy shit off. These are actually two isolated incidents, which for some reason have stuck in my mind with utmost clarity. Second PU. It was a Tuesday morning. It was a cold Tuesday morning. I was sitting in the fourth bench, right next to the large window not even trying to pay attention to Jayanna's math class. My ugly red jacket was keeping me quite warm, and the lecture was starting to sound a lot like my mom's lullabys. The only thing that kept me from dozing off was the cold wind that kept blowing into my ears. Now, Jayanna is a funny char...

Research shows that 97.32% of all siblings fight/ have fought/ have had thoughts of killing each other in their sleep. The remaining 2.68% are usually fictional and- or are 'ideal people', like i said, fictional. eg- Pandavas, Dasharatha's sons, Hansle and Gretle, Shivanna and Radhika (Mrs. Kumaraswami, not Pandit!) etc. Some say siblings have a love- hate relationship, my mother would disagree. My sister and I only have a hate- hate- gimme that, it's mine relationship. My mother used to stay awake all night keeping an eye on us. Not because she loved us so much, God no, she just wanted to make sure we don't strangle each other in our sleep. In fact my mother once tried to seperate us so that we wouldn't mortaly harm each other, and so that she could finally get some sleep. She set up an elaborate plan which involved a huge circus tent and some kickass protechnics. Alas, we all survived the big fire "accident", and our family was reunited twelve m...

Studying the CBSE syllabus has it's perks. You're already familiar with half the 1st PU portions. You can boast about having read Wordsworth and Coleridge and that guy who wrote Road Not Taken. The downside is that the results arrive about a month after the state board results. And that means getting an admission into a PU college becomes a massive pain in the ass. Each college plays by it's own rules- "sorry sir, friday was the last date to apply. you should've furnished a letter earlier, stating that you are from cbse"- and you should've told that to me when i paid you a hundred bucks for that admission form. Why, i could've just thrown my hundred bucks into the dustbin last week itself, no? "you better join 11th standard, and continue in cbse"- why, is your college too dumb for me? "sorry, there are a hundred students in a class already"- and you think one more is gonna make a difference? So at this point, i had to make...

This one is for those ten fuckers who made the last four years liveable. They know why it's 28... 1. Smart girls think i'm too dumb 2. Dumb girls think i'm too much of a smartass 3. The one's in between aren't really stupid enough to go out with me 4. Pretty girls think i'm too ugly 5. Ugly girls think i'm too ugly 6. The one's in between don't exist- my classification of a woman's physical appearance is in the binary system 7. Every second word that comes out of my mouth is 'unparlimentary' 8. The third word is usually a derivative of the second word 9. I think snakes are cool and hope of adopting one. Most girls can't stand the sight of a snake. 10. Girls tend to have pretty much the same kind of feelings towards RGV 11. I have 'questionable' online activity 12. My offline activities aren't so different either 13. My mood swings beat a woman's mood swings by a mile 14. I intend to make her...

          Before I chew your mind : This blog post is in response to my friend Harish’s vlog . He had done a “user request vlog” once, and I had suggested a topic- ‘ How did you start doing something ’(links at the end). I also promised him that I’d write a blog post on that subject if he ever did that video. He did make that video (he makes some pretty cool game play videos as well, worth checking it out if you are a gamer), and that’s why you find yourself reading this right now.             I think I had an idea of what I would write about when I gave him the topic. However, for the love of God (or Batman) I can’t seem to remember what that was. I’m making it up with this one, hope it’s ok bro :) FADE IN: Superimpose “THE END” on black background FADE OUT TO BLACK: <insert new title>           This is where I (...

Disclaimer : I write this as I wait for my “employer” to assign me work.  Yes, I have Job (or something like that).  Yes, I am getting paid.   I’m high on 6 Coffee Bites right now, listening to some dude on the radio going on   and on about what he thinks girls look for in a guy- he has to smoke, but should give up just for her (isn’t this a movie dialogue?), he must wear branded apparel, and must possess an Apache or a Pulsar. A car works just as fine yada yada yada…   Make that 7 Coffee Bites. I never really thought of writing a blog. I always felt that writing a blog requires a certain amount of finesse. They are supposed to exude your feelings/ thoughts in a funny, yet intellectually satisfying way. Possibly give an insight into the workings of your mind (or minds, if you are a schizophrenic like us), I don’t know how this works *shrugs*. Unlike the stuff you post on facebook, blog posts have to be intellectual, funny and most defin...